Travel Back in Time

No, this is everything but travelling. 

This is a piece on the most memorable event in my life.
Memorable, a 'positive' adjective?

To me, it has a negative connotation.

The story goes...

It all started on a clear, sunny morning in December, 2004, where birds were tweeting happy tunes and people celebrating a brand new day.

The four of us would've had gone to a shopping mall to enjoy the free air-conditioning and avoid the trapped heat in our small, decent flat house, if it wasn't for dad.

Yes, that day was an exception.

We were all at home - dad, mom, bro and I - despite the heat. We were in the house with a few close friends.

That morning, families and friends were busy rushing in to our house, as though they were racing against time. Some were panting, some were sweating...but they didn't seem to be bothered at all.

They all came for one reason - to see the motionless figure lying on my parents' bed.

The lights were on, but somehow the room seemed gloomier than ever.

I still remember there were whispers everywhere,  but I couldn't hear a sound because I was trapped in my own space - praying real hard in my heart.

All the time, I was kneeling beside the figure, trying to be strong and holding back those tears that were about to roll down. The feelings were intense. I was extremely afraid.

As I prayed, I understood at a deeper level, why people kept saying that we need to cherish every moment and live with no regrets.

As I listened to the voices in my head, I understood that there were regrets in my life.

In the room, some guests were covering their faces with their hands, trying to hide their emotions, some were whispering to each other, while the rest were comforting my mom.

"Don't be sad," they said in a sympathetic tone.

I understood their good intention, but it did no good.

I didn't sleep much the night before. My mind was running wild as to how this would end. What would happen next, I thought deeply.

Although I was tired, I wouldn't let my eyes closed even for one second. This is way more important than getting a rest, I kept telling myself so that I would not fall asleep.

I kept my eyes on the motionless figure, my dad. We were told he wouldn't survive for another two hours.

Two hours!

So, how could I not give my full attention on him?

He had been paralysed since the night before. Mom were driving us back home when Dad suddenly collapsed in the back seat.

Even under the dim moonlight, I could see Mom's face turned pale. I looked at Dad helplessly. 

We had to ask our neighbours to help carry Dad back to our house, which was on the 4th floor. He couldn't move since then. He couldn't even talk.

I don't remember much about that night. Why should I?

He had been murmuring the whole morning. His frustration was obvious because his tears never stopped rolling down his skinny, pale cheek.

I was filled with frustration too - for not being able to read his lips despite trying real hard.

"Those were his final words!" I would scream in my heart whenever I thought of it.

If only I had tried harder.

His flowing tears, I wonder, were they happy tears or sad ones. I guess I'll never know.

Dad lost the battle that day. Despite struggling for several years to keep himself alive, he lost it to fate. Everyone dies. I just have to accept that fact to move on, without him in the picture.

The moment his eyes were shut, for eternity, I broke down. I was in total shock.

It's a mystery, really, as to how I got into a state of disbelief when I was aware what was going to happen.

I remember looking at him for the last time with teary eyes and numbed body. Maybe, just maybe, I didn't want to move at all...I didn't want to leave him. I didn't know how life would be after this...

Finally, someone dragged me out of the room.

After the funeral, my life began as a new chapter without him in it...


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